December 7th, 2005
Jane news: Jane was severely affected by post anesthesia constipation yesterday. She expected it, but not the severity. She'd been drinking lots of water, eating oatmeal, etc., but it was still pretty bad. I gave her some Citrucel and got some Smooth Move tea. Finally, late last night, things started moving again. This morning, she took off the bandage, showered, and was able to go short walkies. She's much happier.
I think it was about 7:30 when Julie and I were downstairs, Julie washing dishes and I cleaning the rat cage. Jane came out of the bathroom weeping in pain. We went into the kitchen, and I helped Jane make some tea, talking to her about the constipation. Julie kept washing the dishes, her back turned to Jane. When Julie finished with the dishes, she got some paper towels to dry her hands, still keeping her back to Jane. This takes a little maneuvering in our kitchen. In fact, I don't recall Julie acknowledging Jane's presence until Jane said "If you show me some compassion someday I might do the same for you." Julie reacted with defensiveness and fled upstairs.
It was shortly after that that Jane said, loud enough to be heard upstairs, "I want that woman out of my house." I talked with Jane a while longer, but I think by the time we were done Julie had gone on her drive and walk.
I talked with Julie a while after she returned. I went downstairs to watch Ronin (which I'd seen already; I think I reordered it because it has Sean Bean in it). When I came back upstairs, Julie was sitting at her computer.
She went in the bedroom and closed the door. Yes, we close the bedroom door when we sleep, so this was not at all unusual. But I looked at the bedroom door for a minute or so, and decided to sleep on the couch.
Yes, it's true, I did not stick up for Julie to Jane, as Julie says. Julie probably disagrees with me, but I do not stick up for Jane to Julie, either. Whenever I've tried to stick up for Person A to Person B, I've usually done a poor job of representing Person A, and only further muddled the situation. I don't like to mediate between people having a disagreement, even if they've both agreed to it and we're all in the same room together. I'd rather pay a professional. Hah! (Seriously, I think this kind of mediation takes a lot of skill.)
Today I have a Real Change assignment at two, another assignment to follow up on, some grocery shopping, dinner to cook, and a meeting to prepare for. I guess I better get going.
|Date:||December 7th, 2005 08:35 pm (UTC)|| |
You are a smart person to realize that getting into the middle of someone else's scrape usually ends up worse for THAT person than it does the other two. I think you made a wise decision.
I hope Jane is feeling better soon and that Julie does, too.
Holiday greetings to all of you.
First, a cranky-editor nitpick: That's post-anesthesia constipation, not post-amnesia constipation (which sounds truly amusing).
More important, Julie and Jane have to talk to each other if anything is to be resolved. As you may know, I spoke with Jane last night after the incident in question, and I have a lot of sympathy for her, and a lot of sympathy for Julie. You're right; mediation is a skill.
Good luck with it all!
Your nitpick is so amusing that I was briefly tempted to leave the mistake in. I was so concerned with leaving out that-hyphen that I missed the typo. Hah! Thanks.
And thanks for your comment, too. I was glad you and Jane talked last night. Yeah!
good luck to Jane in recovering from her illness and operation.
Did you delete the comment I got an email notification for? I do have an answer, but I don't want to answer here if either you or Luke deleted the comment intentionally.
|Date:||December 7th, 2005 08:57 pm (UTC)|| |
That's really tough, Luke. I've never met Julie and haven't any idea of what the relationsip between the two of them is usually like. You could not have stuck up for Julie, and you couldn't have said anything to Julie in front of Jane, not without talking it out with each of them first.
Is it possible that Julie kept her back to Jane as a way of giving her and you privacy? If so, would she be able to express that to Jane? To you? In general, do they have good will for one another? If not, there is nothing you can do. Even if so, you can't place yourself in the middle, only talk to each of them and possibly pave the way for them to talk directly.
|Date:||December 7th, 2005 09:04 pm (UTC)|| |
Wow. The timing is important here. Post-surgery is no time for conflicts. Anyone who didn't just get out of surgery herself needs to cool it. Hostility and demands are one thing, and something else entirely when addressing someone post-op. Just my take on things.
Those little Metamucil wafers are much easier to take than most fiber type things - they're actually tasty, like cinnamon cookies, and they go down fast with a big mug of tea. Two big mugs of tea. I recommend them highly.
Thanks for the update on Jane. Really sorry to hear that things have gotten so bad between her and Julie. I sympathize with your position, because I'm not so good at mediation either. It's probably easier to help Jane find relief from the physical pain!
Hoo boy. Stuck between Julie (not known for flexibility) and Jane (in pain) is not ever where I would like to find myself. I think you need to be as supportive as you can to both women. I don't know the actual issues involved, since everyone has been alarmingly circumspect on LJ, but the combination strikes me as difficult. Perhaps, unlike the president, you need to begin working on an exit strategy. Or at least hold some high level talks. Good luck!
I've done a little mediation (totally untrained for, by the way), and it generally seems to boil down to interpretation. "When you do this, what does that mean to you" "When she does that, what does it mean to *you*" "What do you hear when she says that", etc. When you're emotionally involved this can be very difficult to do.
I wish all three of you the best, and I hope something can be worked out. I wish I was there to lend an ear or shoulder or whatever needs borrowing.
Please feel free to share this with Jane and Julie. I thought about posting it to their journals too, but it felt a little odd.
Thanks. I'll be sure they read this. I'm sure it'll be appreciated.
We're going for counseling/mediation as I mention a few rocks down.
Yes, I'm a little late getting caught up. I've been away from the laptop for a while.
Good luck on the counseling. It sounds as if you all want to make things better and that's a good place to start.
|Date:||December 15th, 2005 02:59 pm (UTC)|| |
i'm way behind, luke, but i thought *hugs* might be in order. or wholly inadequate.